Toilet Paper For Men! (Originally posted on the Just Adventure Forum, January 25th, 2006 17:42 with the Subject Line of Toilet Paper). Chronotigger65 posted this question in the Off Topic area of the Just Adventure Forum: There come a time in a man's life that when he needs to buy something that make him feel embarressed.  I believe most men have to worry about what I call femineme pads.  I tend to worry about buying toilet paper. Why do you ask?  Because all of the toilet paper they sell have lady-like names like Quilted Northern and Angel Soft.  This is an anoyance for me.  I believe that there should be toilet paper with manly names and that they should be set across from the lady named tp in the same iel to same us men from the embaressment at the checkout lane. So far, I can't think of any names for the manly tp.  But I do feel that there are two names for paper towels that would be perfect:  Brawny and Bounty. = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Chris replied with: Manly men don't need no toilet paper! = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Shany replied with: Since when does the name count? It's what's on the paper that can be embarrassing - We have hearts, butterflies, and of course puppies! = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Caroline replied with: What am amusing idea.  Manly toilet paper.  Developed especially and ONLY Y for single males whose bathrooms will never give comfort to a lady.  Let me see.... manly names. How about they make the loo paper brown and rough, sort of like unrefined wood chips that is definitely made from recycled cardboard.  The loo paper has to be so darned ugly that it doesn't stand a chance of ever matching, blending or complementing any decor.... so, possibly blue or charcoal circles/squares type of pattern as well as plain.  it mustn't be too soft - Real Men aren't cissies.... they love scraping their rear ends with sand paper....  it probably needs to be resized too - Real Manly Men have big hands (and possibly bigger poos).... and the wrapping - definitely brown paper so no one can see through it so that the Manly Man doesn't blush at the check out. So, name.  How about Secret Men's Business.....  Pooper Paper..... Separate aisle?  How about they put it down with the gardening section or the general household?   But you know what?  Once everyone knows what's in the brown paper parcels all the young men are buying, you'll have the same situation - you'll still have to buy a product that the checkout clerks are laughing themselves silly at...... = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = well that got Chris’s attention and he replied with: And what's with that floral scented soap? Real Manly Men should use something thick and black, that smells like motor oil...like motor oil! MECHANOLTM...because the wife makes you wash. = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Petter_Holmberg then gave us his thoughts with: I don't care about the names either, and I don't recognize this phenomenon here. We don't have such brand names... What annoys me more are the brands that print stuff on the paper. Bleaching is wasteful too? It just doesn't make sense to me why one should pay extra for them to do that. Is batrhoom decoration so important to anyone that it hurts to see a roll of paper in it that doesn't have flowers on it? Toilet paper was introduced already a hundred years ago, but it didn't catch on because people in general considered it a waste of good paper and prefered to use pieces of old newspaper instead. It was only around the 50's that it started taking over the market if I'm correct... = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = The Terror of the Wolf part 3 replied Chris’s remarks with: Chris. wrote on Jan 25th, 2006, 5:30pm: Manly men don't need no toilet paper! Yes! Manly men use tree bark! TREE BARK, I tell you!!   = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Chris replied to The Terror of the Wolf part 3’s remarks with: Tree bark indeed...in my day you were lucky to have tree bark!  We had a dead rat and we had to share it, all 26 of us, and we used it to brush our teeth! = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Sandy_Sleuth then joined the conversation with: Going along with Caroline's Wood Chip idea... How about: "LumberJack" Toilet paper - Because we crap bigger than you! LOL!! They have lot's of plain white TP with no designs on it, plus, Once you bring it home nobody see the "Pretty" name and packaging.  They only see a plain ol roll of white tp and think nothing of it. = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Mark, a Forum Moderator came in with a reply to The Terror of the Wolf part 3’s remarks with: Quote: ...Manly men use tree bark! No, Wolfie. Manly-men use green pine cones - or pineapples. = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Lady Kestrel was even more original with: Or porcupines.   = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Not A Speck Of Cereal replied with: Or nothing. I scoot myself across the carpet when I need to, like a good dog. Woof! = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Skye, a Game Developer responded with a bunch of smiles and said: Oops, I think I need some toilet paper, the ladies kind though Skye = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Mark, a Forum Moderator then replied to Not A Speck with: Quote: Or nothing. I scoot myself across the carpet when I need to, like a good dog... But doesn't that leave smelly skid marks? Or worst yet - a skint doggie heinie? You know, dog booty pressings on a fine Berber wool or alpaca rug or carpet is one thing but on a cheap oriental print? Quite another. P.S. Speck: Sigh! It is wonderful to hear this bit of information. I've missed the doggie scatological humor only you can provide. It's very comforting, really, and I mean that. = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Mark, a Forum Moderator then replied to a post that had been hidden with: Quote: What an odd subject? Oh, please, dear. 18 posts? This is the Off Topic Forum - a comfortable place (well, most of the time) for us to let our hair down. We learn so much about others here. I know I have. And yes - there have been instances of T.M.I. (Too Much Information) - even to the point of grotesquerie and revulsion - but I try to avoid those. Unless I am involved. So, leave your inhibitions (except for really weird unspeakable acts) at the door, and come on in. Welcome! P.S.: Please don't tell me you've never seen a dog (even a cat) during the blistering heat of summer - scratch him or herself where the sun don't shine in this manner. It'a common occurance, and ignored for the most part - by other civilized, mannerly canines within eyeshot. They just politely turn away, and say, "Poor dear." Or: "That's looks cooling." Of course - if it continues, then the dog (or cat) should be taken to a veterinarian for other, more pressing health issues. = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Mark, a Forum Moderator then replied to another post that had been hidden with: Quote: Sorry, dear yourself! Please take no offense, jdpv48. I tend to "dear" everyone here on occasion - unless they have masculinity or feminity sensitivities which I am previously aware. You are right - it is inappropriate for me to misuse this expression of affection willy-nilly. My sincere apologies. As for canine or feline worms: yes, quite a possibility, but have I have owned both cats and dogs that exhibit this symptom, and never has the diagnosis been worms. Some veterinarians have told me: "They just like to "rub". "Why?" "Because they can." = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Petter_Holmberg then replied with: Chris. wrote on Jan 26th, 2006, 12:40pm: Tree bark indeed...in my day you were lucky to have tree bark!  We had a dead rat and we had to share it, all 26 of us, and we used it to brush our teeth! A dead rat! You lucky bastard! In my day we used to wish we had a dead rat. We had to use gravel from the floor of the outhouse, which was made of soggy cardboard paper, and it was so crowded that it broke at each visit and you had to rebuild it before you could go! = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = The Terror of the Wolf part 3 then replied with: Mark wrote on Jan 27th, 2006, 1:44am: And yes - there have been instances of T.M.I. (Too Much Information) - even to the point of grotesqerie and revulsion - but I try to avoid those. I got a prince albert piercing yesterday. = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = MissB then join the conversation with this reply: chronotigger65 wrote on Jan 25th, 2006, 5:24pm: There come a time in a man's life that when he needs to buy something that make him feel embarressed....I tend to worry about buying toilet Embarrassed to buy toilet paper?   I would think it would be more embarrassing to walk around with an itchy ass and chunks of poo falling into your shoes.....corn?  when did I eat corn? Seriously, though, if it bothers you that much, go to a 24 hour pharmacy/grocery store and buy it then.  That's what I do when I run out of my hemorroid cream, condoms, tampons, and ExLax   = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Chris then replied to a reply to his comment with: Quote: Chris. wrote on Jan 26th, 2006, 12:40pm: Tree bark indeed...in my day you were lucky to have tree bark!  We had a dead rat and we had to share it, all 26 of us, and we used it to brush our teeth! A dead rat! You lucky bastard! In my day we used to wish we had a dead rat. We had to use gravel from the floor of the outhouse, which was made of soggy cardboard paper, and it was so crowded that it broke at each visit and you had to rebuild it before you could go! An outhouse?  Luxury!  We lived in a hole in the ground covered with a sheet!  And the sheet had holes in it! = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Chris then added another reply with: Quote: That's what I do when I run out of my hemorroid cream, condoms, tampons, and ExLax   What a night that must have been! = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = MissB then responded to Chris’s comment with: Quote: What a night that must have been! Huh?  You were there, too, dear.  You don't remember dancing through the store in the adult diapers?   = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Petter_Holmberg the responded to Chris’s comment with: Chris. wrote on Jan 27th, 2006, 11:21am: An outhouse?  Luxury!  We lived in a hole in the ground covered with a sheet!  And the sheet had holes in it! Did I say outhouse? Well, it wasn't an outhouse made of cardboard as much as it was actually an empty toilet paper cardboard roll. And we always had to go to it at once, all 104 of us! Oh, many were the days when I used to dream that we had a hole in the ground. "If only we had a hole in the ground" I used to say... = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Chris replied with: You were lucky!  For three months we lived in a paper bag in a septic tank.  We used to get up at four in the morning, lick the paper bag clean, then go to work down at mill for 18 hours a day for sixpence a month! = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = alkis21 then contributed: How about toilet paper with pictures of naked women it? That's the most manly thing I can think of. = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Not A Speck Of Cereal replied with: I think Brawny has missed it's calling here. Oh sure, they have the paper towels, but about the Brawny toilet paper? "I need a manly wipe, yes I do! A good ol' manly Irish wipe, I tell you!" Eh = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Mark, a Forum Moderator replied with: Speck: I promised myself I wasn't going to laugh tonight no matter what. Dammit, you. Why not use Heavy Grit 3M® sandpaper? Or a belt sander, no less? I mean, we use other electronic defoliation machines - why not one for heavy-duty unsanitary waste removal? Makes perfect sense. Eh? EH?? "Because they can..." = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Petter_Holmberg then responded to Mark with: Mark wrote on Jan 29th, 2006, 1:52am: Why not use Heavy Grit 3M® sandpaper? Or a belt sander, no less? Well, I can think of two or three reasons, at least. = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Chris then replied with: I thought you ate grits?  Now you use them as sandpaper/toilet paper? = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = MissB was most impressed by that and said: Now that's manly!! = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = to which Gail agreed and posted: LOL Betje!     I have to agree. = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = nejcha replied with: Betje lol:). = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Shadow Walker then joined the conversation with: Hello There!   I have been reading this thread. G.I. Asswipes.............HA! A REAL MAN rises to the occasion at hand! This story is true! I had to do what needs to be done!  That is the point! I went about 3 years ago to a diner that was nothing but a dive! In the middle of my meal,  I had to run to the bathroom most desperately to unload my cargo of toxic waste. When I went for the toilet tissue.  NO TISSUE! I started to scream and yell, but no one came into the bathroom. So what did I have to do to get out of that bathroom! That's right!  Clean myself. With my hand!  Right one! And in between "wipes" I merely flushed the toilet and dunked my hand into the toilet's  running water...... And back again............... Till I was "squeaky clean" That is a man's toilet tissue............ Whatever is at "hand" to take care of business............... = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Mark, a Forum Moderator replied with: I would have rather used a poison oak leaf. Man! That's funky! Even for Off-Topic. = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Mark, a Forum Moderator then further reflected: All right. I understand the scenerio, having been there several times. But I will never resort to your method, and I must rescind my previous suggestion (too painful - but still a better alternative to yours). My most effective method of dealing with this particular, uh,...situation was also my most frightful. But I would do it again, if I had to. After finishing up, I noticed there was no paper in which to...oh, you know. But I know that even the most greasy spoons have in the rear of their building - a spigot and hose. So - acting like I was practicing for duck-walking for a physical education class, I duck-walked my way out the bathroom, pass the kitchen, out the back door, over to the spigot and hose, and viola! Instant bidet! A bit cold, but neertheless quite sanitary, effective, and pressurized. Then, borrowing a clean bandana from a nice dog staring at me, dryed myself off, walked back through the rear door, went inside the restroom, and washed my hands and the bandana with soap and hot water. The dog got a treat and a clean bandana back. Nice Doggy. = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Caroline then replied with: There's a reason this sort of anecdote is called secret men's business....  and that's because it should remain ..... secret..... So while we're on yukky..... has anyone ever spared a thought for how utterly disgusting sex must have been for our cave-dwelling ancestors?   No, didn't think so.    = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Skye, a Game Developer, replied to Caroline with: Caroline wrote on Feb 10th, 2006, 1:26am: So while we're on yukky..... has anyone ever spared a thought for how utterly disgusting sex must have been for our cave-dwelling ancestors?   No, didn't think so. Well, considering they probably all had a similar code of hygiene I imagine they didn't really know any different. That's the problem with our world, there is so much diversity not only between countries (ever used a squat toilet in China? and don't forget to take your own toilet paper into the stall, often none is provided) but also between the economic classes in our own towns and cities. Because we know about those better and worse off than ourselves we are able question how others manage. . . . . Skye = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Shadow Walker then contributed: Hello There!   Check this out! http://www.cromwell-intl.com/toilet/Index.html#science http://www.biz2web.com/grant/Bathrooms.htm = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Caroline replied to Skye’s comment with: I think I'll stick to just reading books about these foreign countries instead of submitting myself to such untenable indignities.   = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Skye, a Game Developer then responded to Shadow Walker’s post with: ShadowWalker wrote on Feb 10th, 2006, 3:10am: Hello There!   Check this out! http://www.biz2web.com/grant/Bathrooms.htm Another interesting observation from China is that little boys have slits in their pants instead of wearing diapers or underwear, so that when they have to defecate, they simply do it on the street.  A parent then scoops it up and deposits it in the trash can.  We saw that more than once while in China. Now this I can vouch for as being fact!  While we were in China visiting one of their tourist sites, I saw exactly that.   And we think poop and scoop for dogs is gross. Skye = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Mark, a Forum Moderator then commented to Skye with: What the heck then do little Chinese girls do? Just hold it in? Oh! That's right. "Nice" girls don't poop. = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Caroline then responded with: Our parks have boxes of plastic bags for this very purpose.  It's an offence not to clean up after your dog in parks or on the street.  Cats now, that's a different matter...   Strike China off my 'must see' list.... along with Africa, Russia, most of South America, India, Asia generally,.... = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Sarah then joined the conversation with: Man, that's really dugusting! I can imagine poo sticking on the slits of their pants. Ugh! India is a BIG NO NO! That's like poop land. My friend wanted to see the Taj Mahal and all they saw was people pooping here and there plus cow dung everywhere. It was her most horrible experience ever! = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Shadow Walker then replied with: Hello There!   Hello Skye.... Hello Sarah....   You really have shocked the heck out of me!   = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Skye, a Game Developer then asked Shadow Walker: ShadowWalker wrote on Feb 13th, 2006, 4:51pm: Hello There!   Hello Skye.... Hello Sarah....   You really have shocked the heck out of me!   Any why have we shocked you??? = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = to which Shadow Walker responded with: Hello There!   Hello Skye.  Both you and Sarah have shocked me because............... 1. These facts about China and India are never mentioned in the travel brochures. 2. Pooping out of your pants, what kind of instant gratification is that.  The Chinese children should suffer the same anal retentive pains we all went through as kids trying to hold it while finding a toilet.   3. Cow POOP!  I should think that with cows being sacred in India, there might have been someone picking up the manure of the cow since it may be valuable coming from such a sacred animal to Hindus.   4. Just because the Cow is considered sacred, there is no reason why it should be allowed to roam, pooping all over the place!  And near the Taj Mahal. How come this is not mentioned on the travel brochure at all!   = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = that brought the originator of the conversation chronotigger65 back into the fray with: Speaking of India and poo, isn't there a temple in India that is sacred to hindu's where there are rats running all over the place?  From what I remember from a show, Hindu's believe that the rats are actually the reincarnated souls of dead fellow worshipers and treat them as friends by feeding them.  The place is a popular tourist actraction and people have to remove their shoes and maybe socks to walk in the place to avoid stepping on the rats.  With all the rats running around they leave droppings on the floors and people actually step on them.  Although rat droppings are said to carry diseases, no one who visits or lives in the temple have ever contrated a disease for several hundred years at the place. = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Caroline then commented: Oh come on now.  That's like saying no one drowns in the Ganges on Holy Days or contracts diahhorrea after washing in it.....   Of course people in India get sick because of the vermin - but not as sick as the tourists who simply don't have the immunity or the right bugs in their stomachs to cope with it all. = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Skye, a Game Developer then responded to Shadow Walker with: ShadowWalker wrote on Feb 14th, 2006, 12:33am: 1. These facts about China and India are never mentioned in the travel brochures.   Of course not.  If the average person knew what conditions they were likely to see they might not go there. During our tour of China we saw a lot that really makes you shake your head.  Our tour guide had a rating system for the various rest room facilities that were at the locations we visited.  The scale didn't rate them on cleanliness but rather on the way they smelled. I'm sure you can imagine how disconcerting it must be to go into a toilet in a 'not too bad' resturant and be assaulted by the smell and sight of someone elses heap sitting there in the trough.  Oh yes! a number of the squatters we saw, and I personally held on as long as I could (and didn't drink much fluid) are lined up along a trough that someone(??) flushes out with a bucket of water periodically. Now, getting into the rural areas, that another story altogether.  When the travel agent tells you not to eat any salad or other vegetables raw there is a VERY good reason for that.  In the little farming communities they have outhouses but not like ours with a nice deep pit.  Theirs 'flush' (if you can use that word) out into a ditch that drains into the fields. Fresh fertilizer for nice lush greens   Oh yes, and in a little village called Zho Zhang, (China's version of Venice - nice muddy canals) guess where the village folks wash their greens, and the kids clothes and brush their teeth . . . (aside) Now Caroline is NEVER going to want to leave Australia   Skye = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Caroline responded with: At this rate I reckon I'm down to UK, USA, Canada and Europe.  Pity some of the 'must see before I die' locations are in Peru and Northern Africa and Jordan....  .  Guess I'll have to stick with books. My parents went to China before they opened up and as tourists they were restricted to using special tourist only money which meant only a few shops would serve them.  They too learned the hard way about toilets and always returned to their hotel for comfort breaks.  They also ate in McDonalds most days, drank Coke Cola and brought back horrific tales of seeing rice being washed in the gutters, etc and having to squat on the pavements because there was no public benches anywhere.   A workmate went to India with Rotary and stayed in various civil servants' homes as well as 5 star hotels.  The stories he brought back about squalor didn't surprise me but they sure grossed out the rest of the office.   My girlfriend has just returned from a holiday in NZ and she has also brought back bad toilet stories but then they were on a wilderness adventure holiday in LoTR country. = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Not A Speck Of Cereal then replied to Mark with: Mark wrote on Feb 11th, 2006, 4:46am: Nice" girls don't poop. That's right--they "poot" = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Skye, a Game Developer also replied to Mark with: Mark wrote on Jan 29th, 2006, 1:52am: Speck: I promised myself I wasn't going to laugh tonight no matter what. Dammit, you. Why not use Heavy Grit 3M® sandpaper? Or a belt sander, no less? [/size] Sorry to bring this topic back to the top -  it did get quite funny  but when a relative of my husband who lives in Australia sent up this video the first thing that came to mind what the JA toilet paper post. Here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tTvjRyv0c5M Skye = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Mark, a Forum Moderator then replied to Skye with: Skye wrote on Jan 28th, 2007, 8:11pm: Sorry to bring this topic back to the top - it did get quite funny but when a relative of my husband who lives in Australia sent up this video the first thing that came to mind what the JA toilet paper post. Here's the link Oh, them Aussie blokes think they're so darn tough. They would cryin' in their Coopers if they ever had to "go" in Russia. = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Caroline concluded the conversation thread with: Perfect video clip Skye!   = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = (End of Conversation – January 28th, 2007 21:02) Hope you enjoyed this as much as we did! Cheers! Originally posted on Just Adventure Forum at http://justadventure.com/yabb/YaBB.pl?num=1138229826/0