Some Canadian jokes:
Proper spelling of Canada: C eh N eh D eh

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On the sixth day God turned to Archangel Gabriel and said: "Today I am 
going to create a land called Canada, it will be a land of outstanding 
natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains full of mountain 
goats and eagles, beautiful sparkling lakes bountiful with bass and trout, 
forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs over-looking sandy beaches with 
an abundance of sea life, and rivers stocked with salmon."

God continued, "I shall make the land rich in oil so as to make the 
inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants Canadians, and they 
shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth."

"But Lord," asked Gabriel, "don't you think you are being too generous to 
these Canadians?"

"Not really," replied God, "just wait and see the neighbours I am going to 
give them."

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Every nation in attendance at an international symposium on elephants had 
to deliver a report on the animals.

France's report: "The Love Life of an Elephant."

America saw the economic values in: "Raising Elephants for Fun and Profit."

Great Britain had their own unique view: "The Elephant and the British Empire."

The Canadian report was, of course, typically Canadian... "The Elephant: A 
Federal or Provincial Responsibility?"

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A Canadian tourist fell into a beer vat during a tour of the Labatt's 
Brewing Facility outside of Toronto. Plant officials estimate the tourist 
drank fifteen gallons of beer before he could be removed from the vat.

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In Canada we have two seasons - six months of winter and six months of poor 
snowmobiling.

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You Know You're Canadian When:
- You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
- You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
- Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.
- The local paper covers national and international headlines on two pages, 
  but requires six pages for hockey.
- The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.
- You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars, and drink pop, not soda.
- You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing 
  u's from labor, honor, and color.
- You know how to say free, prize and no sugar added in French thanks to 
  your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.
- You know what a toque is.
- You've plugged a car in overnight.
- You've defended your property from trespassers with a lacrosse stick 
  because you don't own a gun.
- You only know 3 spices- salt, pepper and ketchup 
- The mosquitoes have landing lights 
- You have 10 different recipes for moose meat 
- You live in a house that has no front step yet the door is one 
  meter above the ground 
- You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie with 
  only 8 buttons 
- You head south to go to your cottage 
- You frequently clean grease off your barbecue
    ...so the bears won't prowl on your deck 
- You know which leaves make good toilet paper 
- The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freeze 
- You can play road hockey on skates 
- You understand the Labatt Blue commercials 
- You perk up when you hear the theme from "Hockey Night in Canada" 

Only in Canada
... are there handicap parking places in front of a Skating rink 
... do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of 
    the store to get their prescription while healthy people can 
    buy Cigarettes at the front 
... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call 
    waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to 
    talk to in the first place 
... do we have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering