Still More Rules To Live By On Halloween 
(Charles Gregory)

Stay away from cars whose doors lock or unlock automatically,
or whose radio or any other electrical device spontaneously operates.

Real children trick or treating do not leave slime trails on your
front walk.

Big footprints are made by something big ...and hungry.

If the phone goes dead, it's not the storm. Find your gun.

It's *not* your eyes playing tricks on you.

Don't tell the kids 'everything will be fine'. On top of all the other
trauma they experience, do you want them to remember you as a liar?

Strange lights in the attic window should *not* be checked out.
...if you see them atop a hotel, don't check IN.

It's not 'just' fog.

Every other day of the year when hitch-hiking you always take a look at
the driver before getting in. Why make an exception for the deranged Jack
Nicholson look-alike who just squealed his brakes to stop for you?

Vampires love garlic. Just thought you should know.

Don't run outdoors to see why there are so many birds circling your house.

Always know the location of your nearest high-explosives storage facility.

If your friends are stupid enough to go in there, LET them go alone.

Yes, there *is* something unusual about trees moving when there's no wind.

Curiosity killed the cat. You don't need to know *how* it died. Just run.

Don't call out 'anyone there?' in forbidding places.

Thunderstorms do *not* naturally occur over just one house on your street.

If you don't recognize the goo, don't touch it.

If you hear screaming, don't investigate. If nothing else, it will be
revenge for all those times *you* screamed and no one seemed to hear.