Martha Stewart vs Me and Charles

I got this little joke called "Martha Stewart vs Me" and it didn't seem as
funny as it could have been, so I added my own answers.....

Martha's way #1:  Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar
cone to prevent ice cream drips.
My way:  Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's
sake, you are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it
anyway.
Charles' Way: Just eat the damn thing fast enough. And when you get down
to the cone, you know your mouth is big enough, just glom the whole
thing.

Martha's way #2:  To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag
with the potatoes.
My way:  Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up
to a year.
Charles' Way: Just eat the damn things fast enough. Or buy a smaller bag.

Martha's way #3:  When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use
a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the
outside of the cake.
My way:  Go to the bakery.  They'll even decorate it for you.
Charles' Way: Just ice the damn thing fast enough. And no one will notice
or care.

Martha's way #4:  If you accidentally over salt a dish while it's still
cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an
instant "fix me up".
My way:  If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too
damn bad. My motto:  I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how
bad it tastes.
Charles' Way: Too much salt? No such thing. 

Martha's way #5:  Wrap celery in aluminium foil when putting in the
refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
My way:  Celery?  Never heard of the stuff.
Charles' Way: Wrap celery in a nice plump bunny rabbit. Keeps for months,
and adds flavor. 

Martha's way #6:  Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking
to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
My way:  The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg
whites over the crust and so I don't do it.
Charles' Way: This is FOOD people! You don't look at it, you EAT it. If
you don't like the way it looks, just eat the damn thing fast enough.

Martha's way #7:  Cure for headaches:  Take a lime, cut it in half and rub
it on your forehead.  The throbbing will go away.
My way:  Martha, dear, the only reason this works is because you can't rub a
lime on your forehead without getting lime juice in your eye, and then the
problem isn't the headache anymore, it is because you are now BLIND!
Charles' Way: Take a limey, cut it in half. Doesn't matter what you do
after that. You've already eliminated the headache.

Martha's way #8:  Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice
cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
My way:   Leftover wine??????
Charles' Way: Don't buy *that* brand next time.....

Martha's way #9:  If you have a problem opening jars:  Try using latex
dishwashing gloves.  They give a non=slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
My way:  Go ask the very cute neighbor to do it.
Charles' Way: Just get a grip.

Martha's way #10:  Potatoes will take food stains off your fingers. Just
slice and rub raw potato on the stains and rinse.
My way:  Mashed potatoes will now be replacing the anti-bacterial soap in
the handy dispenser next to my sink.
Charles' Way: I have a cat. Food stains (and food) do not remain on
anything for long.....