Spotted in a toilet of a London office: "Toilet out of
order.  Please use floor below."
       
In a Laundromat: Automatic washing machines: please remove
all your clothes when the light goes out. 

In a London department store: Bargain basement upstairs. 

In an office: Would the person who took the step ladder
yesterday please bring it back or further steps will be
taken.
  
In an office: After tea break staff should empty the teapot
and stand upside down on the draining board.

Outside a secondhand shop: We exchange anything - bycycles,
washing machines, etc.  Why not bring your wife along and get
a wonderful bargain? 

Notice in health food shop window: Closed due to illness. 

Spotted in a safari park: Elephants please stay in your car. 

Seen during a conference: For anyone who has children and
doesn't know it, there is a daycare on the 1st floor.

Notice in a field: The farmer allows walkers to cross the
feild for free, but the bull charges.

Message on a leaflet: If you can't read, this leaflet will
tell you how to get lessons.

On a repair shop door: We can repair anything.  (Please knock
hard on the door - the bell doesn't work)